JumpING and RunnING

In gabby's book she talks about using a mini trampoline as a ~ing physical activity. I am always up for new physical activities and I decided to purchase a mini trampoline a few days ago and I love it!! It has become one of my favorite ing activities to do!! I was feeling really anxious yesterday morning and I decided to go for a run first and then come back and jump on my trampoline. I repeated the affirmation "I am calm and balanced" the whole time. After 20 minutes I felt an inner shift inside me! I cant describe it but it was a beautiful feeling. I then immediately went into a 10 minute meditation and I just felt so peaceful afterwards! It ended up being a great day too! I felt like I was in a positive spirit all day. My friend Jeff called and we ended up grabbing a bite to eat and having some wine and went on a walk. I have some of the most amazing conversations with him! I always talk to him about my ~ing journey. He always is able to lift my spirits. I am grateful for the connection we have.


When I was running yesterday I realized I needed new songs to add to my running playlist on my ipod. I am always looking for songs to add to my playlist. I tend to listen to a mixture of songs when I am running, some hard rock, 80s, alternative, even a little bit of country. Here are some songs that I have on my running playlist:

U2 - Where the streets have no name *my favorite running song!!!!!!*
The Who - I can see for miles
Bruce Springsteen - Born to run
Moby - We are all made of stars
Tom Petty - Free Falling
Def Leppard - Rock of Ages
Kenny Loggins - Highway to the danger zone
Billy Joel - We didnt start the fire
Guns N Roses - Sympathy for the devil
Rollingstones - Love is strong
Deep Purple - Space Truckin
Powerman 5000 - Supervillain
Led Zeppelin - In the evening
Carrie Underwood - Cowboy Casanova
Lady Bell Bundy - Giddy On Up


What are your favorite songs to run to????

Well its time to get ready to head to church. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend and I hope everyone has an awesome sunday and happy fathers day!! Sending love to all of you!!!

Beautiful Things Are On Their Way!

I was talking to one of my awesome coworkers today and we were just talking about life in general. She asked me if I had the chance to go back in time to change some things would I. I pondered that question for a minute and my first reaction was to say ABSOLUTELY but then I started to think about it more and more. I realized that all the things that have happened in my life, all the good and bad, has lead me to where I am today. I have always been one to dwell on things that happened in the past. I am realizing now after doing my ~ing work that all the situations, circumstances, heartbreak (there has been a lot of that lol), problems, tears, etc. are all lessons that I needed. Instead of constantly agonizing and dwelling over what happned in the past and wondering how I could of done things differently, I can now look back at it with a smile and a sense of peace. Those were lessons/assignments that I needed at that specific time. I have learned from them. I truly believe that the universe sent me those lessons for a specific reason and of course the universe will keep on sending me more and more for the rest of my life. Its just on how I choose to perceive those lessons. Do I want to perceive everything with love or do I want to perceive everything with hatred?.....I choose the first option!
I really feel like I am growing more and more into the person I want to be everyday! I am becoming more aware of how I think, feel, talk and act. I realized this week so far that my self talk is sabatoging and its no wonder that I have all these insecurities. I am coming to realize (this has been a very hard one for me) that I do NOT need a man to feel complete and whole. I am learning not to settle for less. I am learning (and I thank my awesome brother for this) that I do not need to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. Honestly, its probably better that I not be with someone for awhile. I have to do major inner work and be comfortable with just being with me first. This work is extremely important to me! I want to be able to have my ~ing fired up at all times, be able to forgive easy, let go and let the universe do her thing, be able to release all resentment, smile more, keep calm, and be able to perceive everything that happens in a more loving way. I know I can have all this, it just takes a daily commitment. I need to make sure that I stay in constant contact with my ~ing everyday and be grateful for what I DO have in my life. I just have this overwhelming feeling that beautiful things are on their way!

Destiny, Our Purpose, etc....

I am a HUGEEEE LOST nut!!! I am so incredibly sad that it ended on sunday!! It was such an amazing show. I never realized until now how spiritual, religious, and metapyhsical the show was!! After watching the finale I sat there in silence for a long time pondering all the questions that this show brought up and made me think of in terms to my own life. Here are some of the questions:

1.Why are we here?

2.What is our purpose in life?

3.What is our destiny?

4.Are we all connected to each other some how?

5. Is there a reason certain people enter our life?

Those were some of the main questions I kept asking myself all last night and throughout today. Maybe I'm thinking way too into this but I have been curious!

The Beginning of a New Chapter

Today it finally hit me that I was coming to an end in one chapter of my life and beginning a new one. I feel like everything is changing right now in my life from a career, to friendships, to relationships, etc. I'm so excited to see whats to come but in a way I'm terrified!! (thats the ego talking in me) I got offered a nursing job last week for a private medical practice that specializes in pain management. Its something I would be interested in so I definitely took it! I started my training for it today. I think its going to be a great place to work at!

I just put in my 2 weeks notice at the gym I have been working at for 7 years. I basically grew up there. Thats where I met pretty much all of my closest friends but its also where I lost a lot of friendships as well. Its where I met most of the guys I dated and a place where I got my heart broken too. I felt like I worked at this place for a very important couple of years of my life. I felt like I learned a lot of lessons there too! I did ALOT of growing up there!I had been waiting for this time to come where I could quit this job and move on but now that the time has come I'm extremely sad!! In a way I dont want to quit but in the end its the best thing I could do! Obviously I'm ready to get my nursing career started!!! I have been surrounded by pretty much the same people for 7 years and I wanna get out and meet new people and make new friends! Of course I wanna keep the ones that are important to me that I met there. However, there is one in particular that I met there that think I need to forgive, accept and release from my life. He has been a huge person in my life for almost 3 years now but its hard because I'm in love with him and he does not feel the same way. I have tried my hardest to seperate my feelings for him but it never works for me no matter how hard I try! Its definitely time to drop the "F" bomb on him and let go! I want to clear space for a more loving, healthy, and positive relationship with someone. I truly believe the universe will send me that relationship or assignment when she feels that its time for me to have that in my life! All I will have to do is SHOW UP!

I feel like I have a lot of work to do on myself and now is the time to do it! I just want to become absolutely happy with myself. I just want to hangout with "Stephanie" for awhile. Nurture the little girl inside me and take care of her. I realize that this is an everyday thing that I need to work on if I want to see results! Right now, I need to accept that this is where I'm supposed to be and that the universe will take care of the rest! Sending love to all of you on this wonderful monday night! :)

Learning to love myself and letting go of the ego's nasty illusions

Since the beginning of this year, I have been on a little bit of a soul searching journey. Everyday I'm trying to make a concious effort to better myself everyday and choose loving thoughs as opposed to letting my ego take over and get in the way. Another thing that I have been working on is trying to love and accept myself just the way I am. For example trying to love and accept my body just the way it is. I remember in 6th grade this boy calling me fat and ugly and from that day I always thought thats what I was. My ego would tell me day after day that you are fat and ugly and that no one will ever love you looking the way that you do. So I began to listen to my ego and that ended up spiraling into a bunch of eating disorders from the age of 13-21. I would constantly worry about my weight and how I looked. No matter how thin I got it wasn't enough. Its weird how you see yourself totally different then everyone else does! Its like you are looking at yourself in a fun mirror. No matter how many people told me that I was pretty or thin it just wasnt enough. So I kept pushing myself with either compulsive exercising or binging like crazy and having to workout for 4-5 hours a day just to burn off all the calories that I consumed and was addicted to fat burners for 2 years. I look back now and cant imagine how I ever did all that nasty stuff to my body!



I remember looking at myself in the mirror a couple of months ago and something hit me. I kept looking at myself and realized I kinda liked the way I was built. I kept looking harder and harder and I started to cry. That little girl inside was kicking and screaming because of all the nasty things I did to her when I was younger. I had enough of torturing my body and trying to mold it into the perfect body. I came to the reality that there is no 'perfect body' and that everyone is bulit completely different! I realized I needed to stop comparing myself to every other girl out there. I started to look at my body in a different light. I actually felt beautiful for the first time! I was happy that I have an athletic body with curves! Also, that I found the perfect weight for me. I didnt need to starve myself anymore or binge and then workout excessively to burn off all the calories! I finally feel at peace with my body. Of course I still have days where I feel like crap but I try to make the best of it and fill my head with positive affirmations like "I love my body just the way it is". Its definitely a work in progress! I finally feel healthy for the first time in my life! My workouts and eating habits are all a healthy balance now as well. I'm happy to say that I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. Its a wonderful feeling! :)

The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself

This past week has been a whirlwind to me! I started my new nursing job on monday. Its at a nursing home and to be honest that not the place I exactly want to to work at. The problem is everywhere I apply to they want you to have at least a year experience. Since I just graduated, I dont have the experience. I guess the job is a good starting point for me though! I'm just grateful that have found a job that would hire a new grad!

Lately, my nasty ego has been creeping up on me and I have just been in a constant state of fear about everything. I fear that I will not be a good nurse. I fear that what I have going on with Jeff will fade away. I feel like that what I have going on with him is going so good right now that he will just stop talking to me one day and not want to see me again. These are the crazy scenarios that go on in my head! I feel like life is going so good right now and that something bad is bound to happen. I know its such a terrible way to think and feel. I feel like all this fear is turning into anxiety and I can feel it in my chest. I hate it. I need to sit my ass down tonight after I get off work and listen to some of Gabby's lectures and meditations.

On a more postive note, this weather is absolutely gorgeous!!! I hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful weather. Sending love to all of you! :)

You Make Me Smile, Please Stay For Awhile

Goodmorning! Happy friday everyone! This week has been full of surprises for me! First, I got my first nursing job on monday! I start orientation on monday! Needless to say I'm excited and extremely nervous at the same time. Every once in awhile that fearful voice in my head will ask, "What if I will not be a good nurse? What if I screw up?". Ahhh that nasty ego! grrrr. This is all completely BRAND NEW for me. I have been at the same job since I was 15 and I have to step out of my comfort zone. I'm not gonna lie, that scares the SHIT out of me! I know I will be fine once I get through orientation and get a feel for whats going on there. I did clinicals and my internship there so I kind of have a sense of how things work at this place. I feel this place is a great starting point for me. I feel like a big girl now!

Then something totally unexpected happened to me this week. A guy I used to work with just got back from being in Iraq for a year about 2 weeks ago. We always got along with each other when we worked together and became fast friends. Well, right before he left jeff told me how he had feelings for me and that he was attracted to me. I didnt know what to do when he said that. It was totally unexpected! However, I was still so hung up on mike in hopes that I would be with him. BAD MOVE ON MY PART. So nothing came of with jeff. I would still talk to jeff here and there on the computer.*I will come back Jeff later on in this blog post*

Well, after doing some soul searching and working with my "ing", I have finally came to the point that I have to forgive mike and release him. I cant go on feeling miserable all the time and just waiting around for him when I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA if he will ever want to be with me. Finally, it has taken me 2 1/2 years to figure this out. I have been doing the forgiveness section of gabby's book for awhile now and it has been working beautifully. I feel like I have to forgive and release mike so I can create space for a more loving relationship with someone else. I totally agree with Gabby when she says that all relationships are assignments. I had to complete my assignment with him (and boy was it a very grueling/heartbreaking assignment at times!!!) in order to move on to my next assignment. I dont look at mike as an enemy, I rather look at him as a teacher. He has taught me what I want and dont want. The problem is, I think I will always be in love with him. We have always had a deep connection with each other. I love our talks we have and our runs together or just sitting by the water and talking. But, I feel like its time to accept him, forgive him, release him and let him be the person that he needs to be. If its meant to be than it will happen if not than it was never meant to be.

Alright, back to jeff! lol. When Jeff came home he sent me an IM on facebook and we were started talking. I said to him that I would love to see him and catch up with him whenever he is all settled back home. Well last sunday we went for a walk and got something to eat. It went so good! The whole time I never stopped laughing. He just made me smile the whole time. I felt like I could talk to him easily and we have a lot in common. He was just a breath of fresh air to me. When we were about to leave he said he enjoyed spending time with me and would love to hangout more with me. So on monday we went for another walk and it went great! Again, I couldnt stop laughing and smiling. We went out to eat last night and went to borders and just sat and looked at books for awhile. Then on our way home he says to me, "Stephanie, you are beautiful. I just wanted to you to know that. I have always thought you were." That almost made me want to cry because I havent heard someone say that to me in a couple of years! It made me feel so special inside. I'm really digging him!!! I sent him a text last night saying 'thanks for making me smile'. I havent really let myself like someone in the past 2 years because I was so hung up on mike. I would go on dates with guys and I just didnt really feel anything. Then jeff comes along and just does not make me stop smiling! I'm smiling right now as I'm typing this! I would really like to see where this goes! This is totallly different from what I'm used to! He actually makes me feel good inside and out and not bringing me down and making me feel miserable! Wow, what a change!!! I'm gonna go with the flow on this and not try and control or manipulate the situation because right now everything is beautiful. :)

I hope everyone has a beautiful friday! Sending love to all of you!